My sister discovered that Charlotte really enjoys dancing to this song... and now I can't get it out of my head.
12 May, 2013
#1 reason to have kids: creepy baby eyebrows
Happy Mother's Day to all the twisted moms out there. And thanks to my own mom, who taught me everything I'll ever need to know about messing with your kids' minds...
10 May, 2013
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06 May, 2013
delicious or disgusting?
Did you know that Sonic sells a peanut butter bacon milkshake?
It was AMAZING: salty and sweet and crunchy and oh-so-cholesterol-increasing. I'm going to have to run 3 marathons and eat nothing but kale for the next month, but it was worth it.
*That was actually a bad call. Don't do that part.
I know.
My friend Kate and I decided that we could do better.
We added chocolate and fried up our own bacon...
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| And we may have dribbled just a tad of grease in the martini glass, ala vermouth.* |
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| Charlotte is scared of the bacon-flavored breastmilk she's sure to get later... |
It was AMAZING: salty and sweet and crunchy and oh-so-cholesterol-increasing. I'm going to have to run 3 marathons and eat nothing but kale for the next month, but it was worth it.
*That was actually a bad call. Don't do that part.
03 May, 2013
the worst thing ever (relatively speaking)
Ok, so the title of this post might be a tad dramatic. But just wait for it... if you're even the slightest bit squeamish, you'll understand.
I was running around my house like a slightly crazy person, trying to get the baby ready to go a friend's party. Charlotte had already puked on my carefully selected dress, so I had to completely change outfits - which was stressful, because my closet is very limited these days (damn you, post-pregnancy hips!). But it's cool, because I totally got even with Charlotte by pinching her chubby little thunder thighs when I tried to clip her into the car seat (NOT ON PURPOSE, PEOPLE!). So then I had to pull her out of the seat, comfort her, change clothes, load up the car, etc etc etc and omg I'm already late???
As I'm this close to being ready, I notice what looks like a weird gray jelly bean in the middle of the living room carpet. I happened to be dashing through that room, so I dipped down to pick it up on my way to the kitchen, where I could toss it in the trash. I picked it up and immediately noticed that it had an odd texture for a jelly bean.
Also, it was a little bit... squishy.
I glanced down at it, and saw this:
It was a giant motherf*cking TICK, so full of blood that it had literally given up on clinging to whoever had brought it in!*
I threw it down and screamed like only a person who's scared of blood-sucking bugs can, which made the baby cry again. Grrr...
I managed to get myself together and make it to the party, but I was so discombobulated that I ran around telling everyone I'd found a flea (not a tick) in my living room. They all looked appropriately concerned, but also slightly confused because... how does one confuse a flea with a jelly bean**? It freaked me out so badly that I actually forgot the word for "tick."
*I blame my dog. And she has yet to apologize.
**And why, you may ask, did I just assume that gray thing in the floor was a jelly bean? Because my mom had been eating Jelly Belly beans the night before, and it could have been a weird flavor for all I know.***
***SO GLAD I didn't pop it in my mouth. Aren't you?
I was running around my house like a slightly crazy person, trying to get the baby ready to go a friend's party. Charlotte had already puked on my carefully selected dress, so I had to completely change outfits - which was stressful, because my closet is very limited these days (damn you, post-pregnancy hips!). But it's cool, because I totally got even with Charlotte by pinching her chubby little thunder thighs when I tried to clip her into the car seat (NOT ON PURPOSE, PEOPLE!). So then I had to pull her out of the seat, comfort her, change clothes, load up the car, etc etc etc and omg I'm already late???
As I'm this close to being ready, I notice what looks like a weird gray jelly bean in the middle of the living room carpet. I happened to be dashing through that room, so I dipped down to pick it up on my way to the kitchen, where I could toss it in the trash. I picked it up and immediately noticed that it had an odd texture for a jelly bean.
Also, it was a little bit... squishy.
I glanced down at it, and saw this:
 |
| "I ain't no stinking jelly bean." |
It was a giant motherf*cking TICK, so full of blood that it had literally given up on clinging to whoever had brought it in!*
I threw it down and screamed like only a person who's scared of blood-sucking bugs can, which made the baby cry again. Grrr...
I managed to get myself together and make it to the party, but I was so discombobulated that I ran around telling everyone I'd found a flea (not a tick) in my living room. They all looked appropriately concerned, but also slightly confused because... how does one confuse a flea with a jelly bean**? It freaked me out so badly that I actually forgot the word for "tick."
The End.
*I blame my dog. And she has yet to apologize.
**And why, you may ask, did I just assume that gray thing in the floor was a jelly bean? Because my mom had been eating Jelly Belly beans the night before, and it could have been a weird flavor for all I know.***
***SO GLAD I didn't pop it in my mouth. Aren't you?
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