RIP Morsels 2002-2003

Current mood: thirsty
Current music: Rick James, Mary Jane

On Saturday night, we went to the Tapeworm for Levi the barista's birthday; Megan brought German chocolate cupcakes and her husband, and we had a merry ole time. When we got home, we discovered with chagrin that Laine, Miranda, Pat, and Kasey were all passed out and the kitchen was littered with empty pizza boxes, puddles of garlic sauce on the counters, and cigarette butts IN the puddles of garlic sauce. So I spent Sunday cleaning up after them and doing homework. I tried to watch the Superbowl, but I got bored. The KU game tonight restored my faith in sports, though! 90-87 down to the last second - now that's the kind of game I like. I want to see those sweaty athletes WORKING for it.

Morsels, the marble platy, died early this morning. The aquarium gargoyle's wings are at half-mast in observance of this zany little fish who just wanted to get a little tail.

On dreams...

Current mood: indescribable
Current music: The Cure, Burn

Lately, I've been looking into lucid dreaming. I haven't had a lot of time to explore it in any reliable depth yet, but I found this: http://www.tryskelion.com/dreamcat.htm

I'm wondering if, through dreaming, I might be able to remember more of what I experienced during a medically-induced coma. The doctors kept me on an amnesiac drug as well, so it's hard for me to remember all but 3 or 4 incredibly significant (to me, anyway) sequences. Every now and then something triggers a groggy recollection, but I know there's so much more there. There were only a few brief intervals of consciousness every 12 hours or so; that equals over a hundred hours of dreaming while my physical body was trying to repair itself, and my mind was attempting to interpret the situation. So, I'd like to try to remember more of it...

I scored a 101 on the test, but it's just another internet quiz, so whatever.

I taught her everything she knows...

Current mood: sick
Current music: Pink Floyd, Division Bell

I missed my Russian class this morning because Laine and I were expelling bodily fluids out both ends. It was uncomfortable to say the least. But how do you explain this to a teacher? Well, anyway, I got my shit together (no pun intended) and went to take my physics quiz, which I spanked (but only because it was ridiculously easy and we haven't gotten into anything hard yet). I still feel nauseous and shaky, but I'm able to contain myself so that's something I suppose. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???!!! I should have gone to get a flu shot when they were giving them out here at work, but I didn't want to pay the 10 bucks. I'm a cheap bastard.

I learned two new things today: 1) apparently my best friend is the undergraduate representative for the Slavic Department, and for some reason I didn't know this, and 2) KU is considering her for the Rhodes scholarship. She admitted today that she feels like a fraud, because she doesn't think she's that smart - just a dedicated student. In her opinion, she's living a lie. I told her that the only reason she acts brain-damaged most of the time is because she's compensating for me, and trying to relate to me on my level. That's how good of a friend she is!

Anyway, she missed a scholarship meeting because she was playing pinball at the Replay and drinking PBR - that's my girl! They're still giving her the money, so why not go play pinball to celebrate? Her mom didn't see it that way, but I'm proud to be hanging on Adrienne's coattails. After all, freshman year she had a dream that she slept with the dean of admissions at Harvard just to get me in. Now THAT'S friendship.

How appropriate.

What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla

YAY!!! After 10 hours, I'm leaving work... going home... taking an herbal bath... and doing more homework.

I am addicted to ellipses, and unashamed.

Dandruff & Mammograms

Current mood: energetic
Current music: Bouncing Souls, Hopeless Romantic

I may survive this semester after all. With strategic planning and adhering to a rigid study schedule, I might be able to pull it off and still be able to have a little "me" time (and I'm not just talking about masturbation here, you perverts). Shannon's birthday is this weekend and she wants to go dancing so it appears that I will spend Saturday night shaking my booty. Then we all get to go home, recover, and start reading "War and Peace." Oh, well.

I think my multi-tasking abilities have come back with a vengeance, and just in time! I've been on fire today, doing 47 things at once without blinking an eye. I also managed to talk an angry client off the ledge of E-Rate suicide. Go me!

My new work schedule is cool: I work 10-7 Tuesdays and Thursdays, and come in on Monday afternoons for a few hours after class. I emailed all my teachers today and let them know about my surgery in 3 *gasp!* weeks. It's getting so close, and I'm proud to say that I'm no longer nervous about it. Well, not too nervous anyway. Better than before, at the very least. Sarah convinced me that no, it's not just vanity spurring this procedure. It's doctor-ordered and necessary for my ailing eyeball's health. At the same time, it freaks me out because in 3 weeks I'm going to look exactly the way I did last year at this time. The nerves in my face have healed and I can smile again and everything! I still can't whistle, though. The only thing remaining is this damn eyeball, and soon it will be all over. Physically, I feel completely recovered and even healthier than I was before. Now I'm going to look the same, have depth perception and peripheral vision, and be able to drive again!

But I'm not planning on driving again for a while, since I'm still having wacky/zany adventures on the bus. Why would I throw all that mass transit fun away?

and my brain is about to explode...or implode...or something particularly uncomfortable...

Current mood: anxious
Current music: adagio in f major

Well, school is really going to kick my butt this semester. I went to my first class for War & Society in Russian Literature & Cinema. I was looking forward to having another class with Dr. Kipp; and Adrienne, Shannon, Joanna, and the insatiable Nathan are all enrolled. The Vesyoli Troika all together for one last class before they all leave me here and go on to grad school, or their husbands, or New Zealand... jerks! But anyway, this class is going to SUCK. She let us leave an hour early because we all looked so depressed; I think she felt bad, but this is a grad level course so it's supposed to be challenging. I just emailed my Russian professor and told her I was willing to do extra work and meet with her outside of class on a regular basis. I immediately regretted that email the moment I sent it, but I really need to master this language, and the only way I'm going to learn (and make up for lost time from my accident) is if I'm immersed in it.

Goodbye, sleep. I'm going to miss you.

One kick-ass weekend...

Current mood: happy
Current music: Bach Suite No. 3

I had such a good time this weekend! We just got back from visiting home a couple of hours ago, and since I'd found a box of my old doll clothes in Mom's attic, I just had to put a Cabbage Patch doll's sweatshirt on my cat. She is REALLY pissed off, but it fits her so well that I've decided to be one of those losers who dresses their pets and leave it on her for just a little bit longer...

Friday was the first day of class and I'm really excited about this semester. I'm going to fail physics, though, because my first day's notes consist of 2 pages of Adrienne and I playing tic-tac-toe. I have no reason to believe that the rest of the semester will be any different.

After class Kasey, Laine, and I drove back to Newton. Arielle and Jen were already waiting for us at Dad's. Arielle is hardly showing at all, even though she's due in 6 weeks. She's going to name the baby Taydym Laine. Not so impressed with the alternative spelling of Tatum, but since it's not my kid I'm not saying a word. Vicki came over on Saturday and then Dad drove us to the car show, where I found my Shelby... ah, Cobra, you will be mine - but not for a while.

We spent all night in Wichita, then stopped by to see my brother Chris. It was really good to see him again, especially since he forgot to lick my face when I hugged him. On Sunday, Laine went to church with Mom. I'm glad I opted out, since the pastor is one of those hellfire-and-brimstone types who wants everyone to raise their hands to admit they're a sinner. Laine managed to con Joe into working for her, so we decided to stay another night. Steven and Daniel came by Mom's, and we spent all afternoon on the porch bullshitting as usual, then Josh and Jeremiah showed up. We gave Josh the third degree and a bellybuddy and all was well.

That's the condensed version, I guess. Now I'm doing laundry, finishing my homework, and guzzling coffee like there's no tomorrow.

We were somewhere around Lawrence on the edge of the prairie when the drugs began to take hold...

Current mood: sleepy
Current music: ...Ave Maria...

Today's conclusion: I would be the best cat-herder ever, if such a thing existed.

This afternoon I became an ordained minister. I love the internet... I intend to use my powers for good and clone humans like the Elohim did.

I love riding the bus; it never ceases to be amusing. Earlier, the bus driver called the snow-plow truck driver a "stupid dildo." It made me smile.

I'm sooooo tired. I've been working for a while on my paper for Mikkelson, who gets into town tomorrow. OH MY GOD my poor obese kitty is sitting on my lap and just drooled all over my britches. Now that my thigh is drenched with cat saliva, I think I'm gonna change PJs and go to bed.

Dobri vecher, lyudi!

The Saga of Laine & Ed...

Current mood: good
Current music: Rusted Root

Laine, around 1am Saturday night, was mournfully stating that she had no game. Less than an hour and a half later, she was ensconced in the armchair with one guy off fetching her a drink when she locked eyes with Ed, who was staring at her from across the crowded room. Wordlessly, she beckoned him to her side. Of course, he was there instantly. When the first suitor, who by now had returned with her beverage, saw Ed giving Laine his phone number, a light-to-moderate hissy fit occurred. Laine assuaged his anger with a brilliant smile and, as the night went on, Ed and Brad a.k.a Albert, along with the rest of her entourage of beaux, competed for Laine's attention as I, the older sister, frantically followed them all around in an effort to protect her honor and virtue and all that crap.

My impressions of Brad/Albert: Knit sweater, saggy jeans, baseball hat turned backwards, cocky attitude but not much for intellectualism, as it seemed. Apparently this young man joined a frat thinking it would help to get him laid, but unfortunately for him, there were no sorority girls at this party.

My impression of Ed: He reminded me a lot of Nate-dogg, former Big Yellow House roommate, Worlds-of-Fun lover, and budding thespian. I kept warning Ed that Laine was barely 13 (ok - 20), but the pervert didn't care. Apparently, he's a 25 year old KU grad with a degree in psychology who works at Dillons. He seemed really nice, though, and didn't try any "funny stuff" with my sister. He called her last night and asked her out on a date, which brings us to...

THE ED DILEMMA: Laine says his phone call was very awkward, but she didn't want to be mean to him. Also, she recalls "really liking this guy." Too bad she can't remember what he looks like. They're supposed to go out tonight after class, so...

(*to be continued*)

As for me, I had a great time. Except for a few moments of panic when Laine disappeared with Ed; however, this gave me a great excuse to enlist the help of a certain guy who had the foresight to NOT fall in love with my little sister. At about 4 am, when we left the party, he promised to come over within an hour. I didn't really think he would, and didn't plan on waiting up for him. I must say that I was pretty impressed by his promptness - maybe he should become a pizza delivery man. He, Kasey, and I stayed up until around 7am smoking, listening to music, and discussing gnosticism, security blankets, and which you would rather have inserted into your ear: a knife, a live giant cockroach, or loose fecal matter.

All in all, an interesting night.

Hmmm....

I must admit it's been an interesting night. Shawn just left, and Kasey's going to bed so I'm going to follow suit. It will be interesting to see if Ed calls my "12-year-old sister" or not (the poor man seemed irretrievably smitten). You know, you can threaten these men with castration, mutilation, any brutality actually; but they just can't resist her. I'm so proud of my leetle seester, that man-eater!!!! While at this party, I watched her gun down each prospect while still, in her charming little way, using them as her personal errand boys. While I was complaining, Kate reminded me that I taught her everything she knows... and instantly my concerned grimace was replaced with an amused smirk.

Did you know...

Current mood: pleased
Current music: Compay Segundo, Chan Chan

Husbands who kiss their wives before leaving home every day live up to five years longer than those cold-hearted, ungrateful bastards who don't. And... in Boston, there is a law against kissing in front of a church. But what about kissing INSIDE the church? Is that ok?

Laine and I got up early today and went running. Now I'm looking forward to a long day of reading, playing with the cats, and laundry. A bubble bath will be worked in there somewhere, as well. I LOVE SATURDAYS!!!

I wonder if I could convince Adrienne to bring her portable foosball table over...

I'm SOOOOOOO rich!!!!!

OH my lord! I just checked the mail, and KU has agreed to refund my tuition 100% for the semester I missed due to my accident. I'M GOING TO RUSSIA, BABY!!!!!!!!!

hobo tossing

Current mood: calm
Current music: Leonard Cohen

My Russian professor and mentor emailed me this evening telling me that she got "dismissed" by that bastard Comer, for "insubordination" and other equally lame reasons. She doesn't want me to email her school account because she's afraid THEY are reading it, and wants to meet with me in the library because she doesn't want them to associate me with her. I think all of this paranoia has to have something to do with her child/adulthood in Soviet Russia - even her mother was harassed by the KGB. But it does really suck, to say the least... after spending over 20 years pouring her life's work into teaching, she gets the shaft. The theater department wants her to teach several courses, so she's pretty happy about that, but the Slavic department is losing a valuable Russian theater professor. I feel so bad for her; she's distraught, and rightly so!

I went to my neuro-opthamology appointment today. The surgery is scheduled for February 13th & 14th. From the sounds of it, it will be very low-impact and fairly painless. Thank God!

I went to the Pig with Kate and Sarah tonight and was regaled with Kate's tale of her New Year's after-hours party. Apparently she cussed out of a homeless guy because he wouldn't leave her house at 5am. He was cursing at her, so she shoved him off her porch. Will tried to catch him as he fell, but the guy ended up on the sidewalk, completely knocked out and wallowing in a fresh pool of blood. This dampened the festivities for a moment, since all the drunk revelers thought Kate would be going to jail for sure. Will and the aesthetically pleasing barista cleaned him up and deposited him at the US Bank ATM machine down the alley. He wasn't dead, and showed up a few days later at the coffee shop with no recollection of the events. At least, he didn't mention it.

That's it. I've had enough. I'm going to Malaysia to become a Jesuit hermit. People are too much trouble. Now Ledell's acting all weird and leaving cryptic messages, like "Call me if that's how you want to let me know you want me to come over, or don't call me if that's how you want to let me know you don't want me to come over."

What the... ???

Current mood: bitchy
Current music: The Replicants, Silly Love Songs

I'm starting to hate this Livejournal thing. I typed out a fair amount of bitchery and encountered numerous problems after trying to save it. Here's a recap:

1) I don't want to have to be nice to people I don't know. I don't see why I should have to. Only in the Midwest are people chastised for minding their own business... and after that stupid Volkswagen commercial, I'm hesitant to smile at anyone for fear of setting off an irrevocable chain of events that makes everyone feel warm and gooey inside. Heaven forbid I should spread joy to my fellow man.

2) Bobby sucks. Do I offer the proverbial olive branch? Do I go to KC on Thursday with him as a magnanimous gesture of friendship? The only problem here is that Bobby sucks.

Happy Wednesday...

yes!

Current mood: lazy
Current music: Failure, Another Spacesong

I found a CD I burned last year sometime... a motley assortment of old favorites, including the Nixons, Mazzy Star, Tori/Maynard singing together. Now it's one of only two CDs I have to pass my time at work today.

This weekend kicked ass, although originally it wasn't expected to. Some guy named Marty who worked with Kasey at the Renaissance Festival showed up and talked about his pool party that he's throwing for his church group. Big Al came by and Pat showed up and spent the night on the couch. He came upstairs and woke me up around 11am, complaining of boredom. So we stumbled across the hallway and woke Laine up, and then made scrambled eggs, french toast, bacon, and coffee and had a picnic on a blanket on the front porch ( I love 50 degree January afternoons!). Then we went out to the catwalks for a while and got creeped out by all the joggers. We cleaned the house from top to bottom and did 4 loads of laundry as well.

I was productive enough for one day, so now I'll focus on beating Ruben at Jeopardy...

Argh...

Current mood: aggravated
Current music: Magnetic Fields...

My ear hurts. It kind of feels as though someone jammed their penis into it and rearranged all the important stuff. Laine and Kasey have been drinking MY liquor since 4pm... I don't think they're going to last long after the Skin Illustrations guys come over. It's pretty amusing though, and no one's vomited yet. I should probably go check on them to make sure they haven't passed out on the porch.

I'm back, and still thinking about the whole stupid wannabe writers thing. I don't want to sound snobbish or judgmental (even though I am). I understand that the beauty of art lies in the creation, the inspiration, and not the motivation - or even the lasting talent of the executor. Like one-hit-wonders... fuck, some of those were some really great songs! I couldn't fucking write a song, much less a decent one, so they accomplished more than I ever could. I think I'm just too critical. And also, it could be that I'm fitting RIGHT IN to that mold of the angst-ridden poet, who feels out of place and nauseated by his/her contemporaries - but only because they're a painful reminder of my own incompetence.

So... fuck it. I'm gonna quit being such a bitch and let it be. You can learn a lot from people... even the ones you don't like.

...painting pictures with words...

Current mood: drained
Current music: BOWIE!

It feels like summer again... kind of. Cody's downstairs making me a screwdriver and fetching himself the last beer. Laine and Kasey are sound asleep, and Koshka is snoring on her chair and looking mighty fuzzy.

Damn... that's a Sam's Club-size screwdriver. At 4 am, no less. Fuck it, it's Friday.

So, I don't know why it bothers me so much that everyone in this goddamn town is a "writer" or a "poet." It doesn't bother me that everyone ELSE is either a musician or an artist. Maybe it just makes me feel as though I'm just one of the many clueless fools who aspire to a more noble, linguistically eternal legacy. But I want to be different. I have PLANS, god damn it. And they don't include languishing in a state of perpetual insignificance. It all sounds so cliche, so fucking trite: "I'm writing a screenplay," or, "I'm writing a book," or "I'm a Lawrencian poet." OH MY GOD. That last one bothers me the most, mainly due to the source: an empty-headed poser/parasite who thinks that art is achieved by... ???? No clue. But trust me, she's dumb.

This is why I don't tell people that I'm a writer. It even makes me cringe just typing that out. A friend from high school, who used to read EVERYTHING I wrote the instant I created it, asked me why I didn't write anymore. I do, I just don't run around seeking acceptance. Most great writers were recognized posthumously anyway, so it's not like I'm going to get any recognition while I'm alive, assuming, of course, that I am a great writer and not merely delusional. I still have a long way to go, but I believe the most important thing about literature is that it captures a memory, some exquisitely unique moment in time.

Through writing, we can achieve immortality. It is only through our words that we are able to live forever. Choose them carefully.

Oy...

Current mood: bitchy
Current music: Porno for Pyros, Tahitian Moon

I think I may be a bad person. No, I'm fairly certain of it. Argh! I don't know... Cody being here has further strengthened my resolve to remain single. I think he wants me to ask him to stay, but I can't fucking do that! I've been at peace since November, just being on my own again. There was nothing fundamentally wrong with Cody; he's the first guy who's ever treated me so well - and he doesn't think he's the Messiah, which was a definite bonus. He doesn't belong in Oklahoma, he belongs here with all of his friends, and I worry that the only reason he moved is because our relationship wasn't working out. He always said that if we broke up, he would move far away. Maybe now he realizes that wasn't the best plan of action. But then again, he seems happy to be living near his dad and brother...

I guess I can't handle relationships. I'm too selfish, too bossy, too domineering. But I don't care! I just want to be alone, that's all. It's the first time in my life that I've really enjoyed being significant other-less. And it's true, I did fuck a hobbit, but Laine was in on that too... and I blame the vodka.