a) Benny Hinn is MSN's top search. Benny Hinn is the Christian evangelist who can "heal" people. My stepmother told my stepbrother that when Benny Hinn came to town, he'd be able to walk again. Chris hasn't EVER been able to walk; he has spinal bifida for Christ's sake, but he has a very pure heart and constant faith, so of course he was devastated when the evangelist couldn't live up to all the hype. Just the name of Benny Hinn makes me feel vomitous.
b) A man is wandering about the aisles of PetSmart dropping his britches in front of little girls who just want a new puppy.
c) Lindsey is flirting it up with a man at least ten years her senior...
I don't know, it's weird. Here's this man, who was my neighbor at the Big Yellow House for two years, who came over and fixed things for us and was known by Laine and Kasey as "Hot Neighbor Dave." In fact, I called him "Neighbor Dave" on the phone today and I think it confused him. Anyway, my OTHER ex-neighbor, Lynn, came into Z's saying that she thought he had a crush on me... and Dave's been coming in a lot on his days off. I like his tattoos, but he's a little soft-spoken for me. I need some... aggression. Or assertiveness, I don't know. I don't need him to bring me a bike, which by the way is a very nice bike (he oiled the chain, aired the tires, and adjusted the seat for me). What I need is for him to walk into Z's and say: "Hey, Lindsey, I'm going to take you out sometime, and you're going to like it."
He'll sit at the bar and keep me company while I do the daily crossword puzzle; we have very interesting conversations, I feel comfortable and rather (dare I say it) vivacious around him, and I would very much like to kiss him, but... this is probably all a terrible idea.
Anyway, those were just a few of my thoughts after a quiet night of knitting with shiraz. Oh! That would be an amazing tv show: "Knitting with Shiraz." I mean, knitting is supposed to be all hip now and whatnot, so I could just sit there and drunkenly demonstrate how to make your own hand-knit pasties while dribbling cheap wine down my chest. It couldn't possibly be less flattering than that "Fat Actress" show.
09 March, 2005
08 March, 2005
I have a bike-swapping date with Hot Single Dad tonight. Laine says that every woman should sleep with an older man "before settling down." I'm not sure what that means, I don't think I'm anywhere near "settling down" at this point...
In other news... I dreamt that I went to Middlebury for a second round of application interviews, met the other potential grad students, and saw the dorm rooms which were, in fact, quite scary and roach infested. And everyone spoke in English the whole time, which was weird, because I spent the whole dream thinking "Ok, NOW we're going to start speaking Russian" and then we didn't. The only time we sort of spoke Russian was on an algae-ridden water slide that was supposed to test our stamina. Then the slide dumped us into a nasty stagnant pond and we were supposed to speak in Russian then, but only then. Would anyone like to take a stab at interpreting this one?
In other news... I dreamt that I went to Middlebury for a second round of application interviews, met the other potential grad students, and saw the dorm rooms which were, in fact, quite scary and roach infested. And everyone spoke in English the whole time, which was weird, because I spent the whole dream thinking "Ok, NOW we're going to start speaking Russian" and then we didn't. The only time we sort of spoke Russian was on an algae-ridden water slide that was supposed to test our stamina. Then the slide dumped us into a nasty stagnant pond and we were supposed to speak in Russian then, but only then. Would anyone like to take a stab at interpreting this one?
01 March, 2005
emails between me and my best friend
Me:
"Dude. On this very day, 3 years ago, I cheated death. Yes, I'll admit it - I cheated! HaHA!
Ahem. Good times, good times. Three years... it seems like a really long time, but in ten years it's going to seem like a weird dream that never really happened. The only really vivid memory I have is of telling myself that in a few years it would seem like the whole car accident never happened. I don't know what made me so sure of this fact, but whatever. I was kind of right.
I hope all is well and beautiful for you, did we really think 3 years ago -or 6, for that matter - that you'd be going to Columbia and living in NYC? I mean, I remember talking about it. But did we really think that all the talk would ever actually come to fruition? We should be PROUD."
Adrienne:
"Wow... I forgot that today was your 'I fucked death in the ear day.' But my dream last night is definitely making more sense as I think on some unconscious level I must have known. In my dream, people kept calling me and telling me you were dead, and I refused to believe it, and I kept trying to explain about how a few years ago you almost died in a car accident, but now you were ok--and they kept saying that you were in another car accident and this time you were dead and I couldn't understand what was going on because somehow I knew that you were still alive and I was getting really frustrated at my mom because she wanted me to deliver a eulogy at your funeral and I didn't know what to write, so I was trying to get a hold of you to help me write it but Hadley said you were at work and I was all 'Aha!!! She's still alive!!!' but then I called Z's and no one would answer the phone... and so on and so on and so on... the dream really upset me and I've been a little down all day, but now it's all clear!!! It's so funny how the mind works.
I'm really glad you didn't die, dude. I don't think I could have handled that. You never got to see me in what I called my 'primal' state... but it was no good. I listened to the 'Virgin Suicides' soundtrack way too much, and I almost stabbed Cody Ross in the eye with a plastic fork because he got his mashed potatoes for free (and when I say 'almost' I mean I had grabbed the fork, raised it above my head and was aiming for his eye ball when all of the sudden I realized that stabbing Cody might not be the best solution). A lot of people were scared of me during that time because I would seriously go on a rampage if the wind ruffled my hair in any way. You would have been proud of my aggressiveness and intensity. Proud... Probably more proud than you are of my going to Columbia... and we never really talked about Columbia... we talked about Harvard a lot, but that's only because of that dream I had sophomore year. I don't know where my hankering for Columbia came from... mayhaps you can remember.
I'm so proud of you too--and you know all the reasons, so I'm not going to reiterate them. Instead, I'm just going to say that you lift me up where we belong. Where eagles fly, on a mountain high. You make us act like we are fools--throw our lives away for some happy day... WE COULD BE HEROES... just for one day... And me, I will be queen... and you, you'll drink all the time!!!!
Wow... as I was writing that I had all these visuals of beautiful moments between us...remember when:
We sang to each other as we parasailed above the ocean?
We sang to each other as we overlooked the fall beauty of the Shenandoah valley?
We sang to each other as we drove from NY to B-more hungover and sans sleep?
We sang to each other as we loaded up and spread a manure pile the size of Kilimanjaro?
We sang to each other as we duct-taped and painted a fence?
We sang to each other as we played in the winter ice storm wonderland?
and so on... It made me wonder how can two people who are so completely tone-deaf sing so much? It shouldn't be allowed.
But in the end, thank you for filling my air with gas.
love you like Oprah,
aids"
"Dude. On this very day, 3 years ago, I cheated death. Yes, I'll admit it - I cheated! HaHA!
Ahem. Good times, good times. Three years... it seems like a really long time, but in ten years it's going to seem like a weird dream that never really happened. The only really vivid memory I have is of telling myself that in a few years it would seem like the whole car accident never happened. I don't know what made me so sure of this fact, but whatever. I was kind of right.
I hope all is well and beautiful for you, did we really think 3 years ago -or 6, for that matter - that you'd be going to Columbia and living in NYC? I mean, I remember talking about it. But did we really think that all the talk would ever actually come to fruition? We should be PROUD."
Adrienne:
"Wow... I forgot that today was your 'I fucked death in the ear day.' But my dream last night is definitely making more sense as I think on some unconscious level I must have known. In my dream, people kept calling me and telling me you were dead, and I refused to believe it, and I kept trying to explain about how a few years ago you almost died in a car accident, but now you were ok--and they kept saying that you were in another car accident and this time you were dead and I couldn't understand what was going on because somehow I knew that you were still alive and I was getting really frustrated at my mom because she wanted me to deliver a eulogy at your funeral and I didn't know what to write, so I was trying to get a hold of you to help me write it but Hadley said you were at work and I was all 'Aha!!! She's still alive!!!' but then I called Z's and no one would answer the phone... and so on and so on and so on... the dream really upset me and I've been a little down all day, but now it's all clear!!! It's so funny how the mind works.
I'm really glad you didn't die, dude. I don't think I could have handled that. You never got to see me in what I called my 'primal' state... but it was no good. I listened to the 'Virgin Suicides' soundtrack way too much, and I almost stabbed Cody Ross in the eye with a plastic fork because he got his mashed potatoes for free (and when I say 'almost' I mean I had grabbed the fork, raised it above my head and was aiming for his eye ball when all of the sudden I realized that stabbing Cody might not be the best solution). A lot of people were scared of me during that time because I would seriously go on a rampage if the wind ruffled my hair in any way. You would have been proud of my aggressiveness and intensity. Proud... Probably more proud than you are of my going to Columbia... and we never really talked about Columbia... we talked about Harvard a lot, but that's only because of that dream I had sophomore year. I don't know where my hankering for Columbia came from... mayhaps you can remember.
I'm so proud of you too--and you know all the reasons, so I'm not going to reiterate them. Instead, I'm just going to say that you lift me up where we belong. Where eagles fly, on a mountain high. You make us act like we are fools--throw our lives away for some happy day... WE COULD BE HEROES... just for one day... And me, I will be queen... and you, you'll drink all the time!!!!
Wow... as I was writing that I had all these visuals of beautiful moments between us...remember when:
We sang to each other as we parasailed above the ocean?
We sang to each other as we overlooked the fall beauty of the Shenandoah valley?
We sang to each other as we drove from NY to B-more hungover and sans sleep?
We sang to each other as we loaded up and spread a manure pile the size of Kilimanjaro?
We sang to each other as we duct-taped and painted a fence?
We sang to each other as we played in the winter ice storm wonderland?
and so on... It made me wonder how can two people who are so completely tone-deaf sing so much? It shouldn't be allowed.
But in the end, thank you for filling my air with gas.
love you like Oprah,
aids"
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