weighting

One summer in college, I had a roommate who was obsessed with her weight. She used to go to the grocery store several times a day, because the store had an on-site pharmacy with a giant scale. She would drive there several times a day to weigh in after meals.

It didn't really matter that we had an old scale in the house which was acceptably approximate.

I wonder what the pharmacists thought of her? She was all business; marching in, weighing, and marching out immediately. She never seemed to lose any weight, either.

I think she's a mom now... we're Facebook friends, but of course that doesn't mean we keep in touch.

deceleration, but faster

I spent a few hours this evening at Children's Mercy Hospital, participating in a craft night with sick kids. I'd never been there before, and I got lost along the way due to rush hour traffic and my own stupidity.

I feel as though I should have something insightful to share after tonight. Should I have "learned" something, aside from the old cliched gratitude at how fortunate I am?

I don't know. I signed a confidentiality agreement stating that I wouldn't divulge any personal details about the children and their families, and I suppose that includes my blog. Yes, I met some interesting personalities. Yes, I had a good time. Yes, it was poignant.

For some reason, the whole experience made me feel blank inside. More than the children themselves, it was the parents who got to me. The kids and their bandages, their wheelchairs, their mobile IV drips; the kids were incredibly resilient and full of hope.

The parents, on the other hand, looked utterly spent. I wished that I could help them, lessen their load in some way. But I couldn't even offer - it was made quite clear to us that we were there for this specific project, and shouldn't delve further into anyone's private circumstances.

What good does it do a parent to teach their child a craft for 45 minutes, when their whole being is centered on this child's survival?

Of course, all the parents were wonderful. They were grateful for the diversion, for their child to get a break from the monotony of the hospital bed.

I just wish I could have given them something more than temporary relief.

I don't know why I mentally prepared myself for the children, but I never once thought of bracing myself for their parents.

I might be Oprah.

Almost 2 years ago, I lost about 40 pounds. It was glorious! I threw out all my old clothes and bought new skinny ones.

I lost a little too much weight; as in, my boobs completed disappeared. It was weird not to have them anymore! Over the last few months, I have steadily gained back 10 pounds (damn you, holidays!). I definitely have my boobs back, but my beer gut is returning as well. Watching the scale increase puts me in a bit of a panic... I certainly don't want to be "too skinny" again, but I don't want to slowly gain all 40 back again either!

I don't want to be Oprah! I don't want my weight to balloon up and down over the course of my life. I'm trying to find a compromise of healthy eating and exercise, but it's hard to get cardio when it's this cold outside. I drive by the occasional intrepid jogger on the road, leaping over mounds of snow, and I respect them... but I have no desire to emulate that behavior.

We'll see what happens. I definitely don't want to continue with the somewhat ascetic lifestyle that helped me lose the 40 lbs to begin with, but I also can't go back to my pre-weight-loss ways of pasta and wine every night. Moderation has never been my strong point, but I guess it's time to figure it out now.

best snowpeople ever

SnowMyGod! 2011

It's officially blizzard-ing outside. I have no idea how many inches of snow we've gotten so far, but I do know that it's not natural for snow to blow sideways.

I took the dogs to the fairgrounds across the street before the weather got too bad, so they could get a little exercise. Even though I was bundled up, I haven't felt that cold since Moscow! It makes me rethink my bucket list entry to visit all 7 continents. Antarctica may prove a little much for me, especially as I've developed a taste for Caribbean vacations this year.

There is a little sparrow that keeps flying up and landing on the Japanese maple right outside my window. He looks cold! If I wasn't terrified of birds, I would be tempted to let him in.