For your viewing pleasure, I present the most awkward video I've encountered in some time. Apparently, this bride thought it would be a great idea to do the following:
1) Walk herself down the aisle (no big deal there, right?).
2) Carry a microphone instead of a bouquet (...now it's getting a little odd, but to each his own).
3) AND SING A FREAKING CHRISTINA AGUILERA SONG (sigh).
4) Not just ANY Christina Aguilera song, but a song about getting married with some serious "daddy" issues (*cringe! cringe! cringe!*)
5) The song just sounds depressing. And ominous (which is probably why the groom looks terrified).
What's worse is that she frowns, scowls, and manipulates her face like a performer - which would be great if this were a concert. At a wedding, where everyone is supposed to look happy or some sh*t, it's a little too intense.
Honestly, I feel a little bad for her. Surely she didn't envision that the Interwebs would brand her wedding a disaster! She doesn't have a bad voice at all, and she's a beautiful bride... but wtf was she thinking?
P/S If you get through the entire video, you deserve a donut. Or a pony.
29 June, 2012
24 June, 2012
There is a 115 degree heat index out there today, which means it's the perfect day for blogging because there's no way I'm going outside in this shit. I actually feel a bit like a shut-in, because I've closed all the curtains and am hiding under a fan.
Last Wednesday was my 32nd birthday. I'M OLD, PEOPLE! It was actually one of the best birthdays I've had, even though I had to work all day and give a presentation to about 75 people on both Wednesday and Thursday.
|Level of comfort: on par with colonoscopies and car wrecks.|
Here's the thing: I used to be terrified of public speaking. It still makes me incredibly nervous, but I've made a lot of progress over the last few years.
In college, I gave two of the most disastrous presentations of my life. One ended with me running out of the room after blabbering on and on about Hitler of all people, and the other ended with me asking the professor "Can I please be done now?" in the most pathetic way possible.
It was then I realized that I truly have a knack for making everyone in the room just as uncomfortable as I am (if not more so).
In graduate school, I literally panicked for a full year about defending my thesis. I dreamt up a thousand ways to get out of it while still somehow managing to get my diploma. Ultimately, I ended up having a massive panic attack prior to the symposium and scared my thesis advisor to death (she actually ran away from me because I was an inconsolable mass of raw nerves). I did, however, get in there and get the job done. I basically read the entire presentation and maybe looked up from my papers twice the entire time.
It was then that I realized I'd progressed from making everyone in the room uncomfortable to just making everyone in the room really bored.
It was, as I viewed it, a sort of improvement.
Then I started working in corporate America. After starting a management position, occurrences of public speaking became more and more frequent. I had to overcome my nervousness when speaking in group settings and meetings, and then I had to get used to speaking alone in front of 40+ people. I started to develop some coping strategies.
Namely, I could never be prepared enough. I needed to know exactly what I was going to say and when. Now, this could be bad if I blanked out and forgot what I was going to say at any given point, because it could throw off the rest of the presentation. But if I practiced, out loud, over and over again, I found myself working through different variations and making adjustments, and this started to train my brain to be a little more flexible in the moment.
I got to the point where I would go into a blind panic at my moment to speak, and I'd black out from the sheer adrenaline. But I found I could do it, and actually give an average presentation that appeared to be delivered with ease and confidence. I'd learned how to hide my anxiety.
I'd progressed from making everyone really bored to making everyone slightly less bored, but at least my ease of delivery was improving.
This week's presentation really was a milestone. I was prepared, and I took the time to meditate beforehand to help stave off the nerves. My goal was to NOT go into the adrenaline-fueled panic. I wanted to be entirely there in the moment, completely flexible and confident. I wanted to get people to interact and be engaged. I wanted to be a teacher of sorts.
Mission accomplished! It couldn't have gone better, and I didn't panic at all. I was complimented afterward by people telling me: "Wow! You're such a good public speaker!" and another who said: "How did you learn to work the room like that? Did you even realize you were doing it? I've been in Toastmaster's for 3 years and I still can't do that..." (this from someone who's a fantastic speaker themselves!)
I'd progressed from making everyone slightly bored to achieving real engagement from my audience! I honestly couldn't believe I'd done it.
What a high! I drove home from work, relieved and elated. Will was waiting for me with my birthday gift (an external flash for my new camera!) and a proposition. He suggested we go to Sunfire Ceramics, a little shop downtown where you can paint your own pottery and then they'll glaze and fire it for you.
What did I make there?
My very own ZOMBIE GARDEN GNOME.
|Mortimer P. Slicktotter, resting after a hearty lunch of human flesh.|
I mean, seriously. Does it get any better than this? Triumphing over a lifelong fear AND creating a work of art, all in one day?
Oh, and then my husband pampered me all night AND made me breakfast in the morning!
I'm starting to see why everyone says your 30s are the best years of your life. You finally have both the confidence and the experience to really start becoming an accomplished human being. Sure, I have a few more gray hairs and budding wrinkles than I'd like, but I can't complain too much.
It may be all downhill from here, but I'm going to call it progress instead.
17 June, 2012
13 June, 2012
Is anyone else out there worried about the impending zombie apocalypse? Is anyone else stocking up on firearms and clean drinking water?
Most of you probably know about Incident #1 in Florida, which sparked a media frenzy. But have you seen how the people-biting madness seems to have spread???
A more detailed (and now viral) timeline can be found here.
Incident #3 happened in my town, people.*
What's a self-preserving lady to do when the zombie apocalypse hits a little too close to home? She finds the coordinates to a certain celebrity's Caribbean island and creates a contingency plan, that's what she does.